How Your Friends Affect Your Happiness
Tuesday, June 12, 2012 at 5:52PM In my last post I spoke about Spending Time Wisely and this post is almost a continuation of that theme. How often have you spent time with someone, then left and felt dragged down by the encounter? If, like me, you only have limited amounts of time in which to socialise, it’s important that you choose to spend your time with positive people who help you feel good. I read recently that you are the sum total of the five people you spend the most time with - so choose wisely! Not everyone is naturally positive or able to spread their joy, and some people are full of pain or sadness. In that case, you can be the one to bring the positivity to the party. It is amazing the affect you can have on others – even a little drip drip of positive language or reframing of words can make an impact over time.
There is a pre-supposition in NLP which says ‘we cannot not influence each other’ - because we are all connected and are part of a living system.* So if you believe that...
Why not choose to be with others who contribute to your overall happiness?
Top Tips for Choosing 'Positive Friends'
- Think about which people in your life make you feel your happiest, most alive and energised self. Make arrangements to see them more.
- Find like-minded people and people with similar interests. If you don't know anyone with your interests, find them through groups like Meet-up.
- Spend time with people who you find exciting.
- Get involved in events which bring people together.
- When confronted by negativity, gently re-phrase what the person says. Chances are they are so used to their way of thinking; it might be a refreshing change.
- Try to reduce the encounters you have with anyone who drags you down.
- If the people who think in a negative way can’t be avoided, gently challenge their way of thinking by turning their thoughts into more positive ones. Over time, this will have some degree of impact.
If you are giving your time to others and are not happy with how you feel afterwards, there may be deeper issues at play. Examine what is causing the bad feelings and try to isolate them. This may need to change or be eliminated somehow. Drop me a line to find out how coaching could help.
*You can read more about social network theory in the book Connected by Nicholas Christakis and James Fowler which you can find in the shop.
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