Learning To Relax - My Journey

As you may know, I have been running my Embrace Relaxation and Meditation classes for a few months now, and I previously blogged about how I got started here. Today I want to tell you about the journey I have been on myself, and why and how I first became interested in relaxation.

Hippies, Fairies and Mung Beans

If you had asked me my thoughts on relaxation or meditation 20 years ago, I would have been quite closed-minded to the idea, and would have had a particular 'type' of person in my mind. Although in my teenage years I wore an abundance of tie-dye, fragranced my bedroom with incense and listened to Jimi Hendrix, I wouldn't have had a clue about meditation or relaxation! But as I got into my 20's I started to feel aches and pains in my body, the likes of which I hadn't experienced before. As I started my career in teaching, it became evident that something was wrong. After what seemed like months of tests, we had a name for what I was going through - an auto-immune type of arthritis. 'Arthritis? But I am only 23!' I remember thinking. The next few years were hard; trying out different medications and beginning to realise what the future might hold.

Me aged 23, and getting used to life with pain.

Pain

The pains which had started in my right heel, had spread to my left knee, and on any given day could be in my fingers, wrists, shoulders, upper spine, ribs, sternum, ankles, toes, neck and lower back. Coupled with actual pain was the continual sensation of feeling feverish. It was horrendous. The more pain I was in, the more depressed I felt and the less I thought I could do. Most weeks I had to have at least one day in bed, which was not great for my career, my self-esteem or my mental health.

The Turning Point

During this time I had started to see a counsellor for a seemingly unrelated issue, and we were talking about the idea of self-efficacy. It was then that I had my light-bulb moment. It dawned on me that if my illness was auto-immune, and my body was making it, then it could also work out how to fix it. As the words came out of my mouth I realised that something in me had changed forever. Such is the power of words and therapy my friends!

The Journey Back to Health

That strike of inspiration happened about 7 years ago, but it was still another year before I was willing and able to do anything about it. I kept thinking about ways to look after my body; eat better, sleep better, take more (gentle) exercise, and just learn to listen to the many signs and signals my body was trying to give me. It was a fine balancing act between doing enough, but not too much (which could end in a flare-up). The key issue was deciding to take charge, and ultimately responsibility for the body and mind in which I was living, and not to blame an illness, but to encourage and nurture my own wellness. It sounds easy, but it wasn't. It was a journey of many steps, and it's one I am still on today.

Me this year. Happy and healthy :)

How Did Relaxation Help?

This was actually one of the last stages of my journey. Since I started studying NLP a few years ago, I have made a conscious effort to engage more with my body and my kinesthetic side by taking up more physical pursuits, including Tai Chi, Yoga, walking, massage, swimming, Zumba and so on. I also started to listen to guided meditation Cds, which were an easy way in for someone with little experience. As with anything, it took time to get used to and I had to try at first. I found it hard to switch off my internal chatter and found that I would focus on the person's voice or accent - anything to detract from the business of relaxing! I then tried listening to meditative music, (without words) and this helped quieten my mind.

Puffin presenting a guided meditation cd.

Last year I read a book on holiday called 'Teach Us to Sit Still' by Tim Parks and I had another light bulb moment! I realised that a lot of the time I was making things worse for myself, by holding tension in my body, or ignoring a physical need, or tensing muscles somewhere deep within me. I started to work on breaking these habits and began to understand how to 'let go', and how to 'breathe into the pain'. These things have changed the way I live my life.

My Relaxation Classes

In my class I attempt to create a safe environment where women of all ages can learn to relax. I have benefited from learning to relax so much myself and enjoy sharing these gifts with others. You can find out more about my classes here and you can even download Relax Kids meditations from my website here. I also have a shop where you can find cds which I have used myself. As always leave me a comment below if you have anything to share, or contact me privately if you would prefer. 

This amazing photo was taken in Sri Lanka in 2009.

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Wisley Gardens and The Butterfly House

I had a wonderful family day out at Wisley Gardens on Saturday; a crisp but sunny day. With all the planning in the world, the sun making an appearance is a rarity at the moment, so that made a lovely day out even more enjoyable.

Wisley is between Cobham and Woking in Surrey (junction 10 off the M25) and the garden is the flagship garden of the Royal Horticultural Society, with huge grounds, a vast shop (boasting the largest selection of books on gardening in England) and magnificent trees, plants and flowers. I am a very amateur gardener myself, and I visited with two others, who run their own landscaping business. Needless to say, they probably saw things in a different way to me, but we all enjoyed it in our own ways! 

The Glasshouse -currently home to hundreds of butterflies

The Glasshouse is the same size as 10 tennis courts and is 12m highSpring has sprung at Wisley GardensThe LaboratoryBare branches but still beautifulMy favourite part of the day was seeing the Giant RedwoodsPan, the Ancient Greek God of music

Walled Garden at Wisley

Magnificent treesClimbers being trained

Living life to the full... (and living with an illness)

I recently wrote a guest post for my networking group on the subject of making the most of life, whilst living with an illness. You can read it here in its original context or you can read the whole post, below.

 The beach at Cox's Bazaar, Bangladesh

As someone who loves to be creative and keep my brain busy, I have realised after many years that for me, working part time and being self employed the rest of the time is a winning combination.

I have had an auto-immune type of arthritis for almost 20 years now, and I have to say, it has not been easy. The symptoms have ranged from chronic pain to fatigue, but most of the time it felt like I was coming down with the 'flu. Among many other challenges like being diagnosed and treated in the first place, was the fact that (fortunately) other people could not tell that I was unwell. This although a blessing in many ways, made it difficult to ask other people from help when I was very run-down or simply did not have the strength to do what others would regard as easy.

During the time when the illness was at its worst, I was working full-time as a teacher. Although I had loved my job, I came to loathe it, as it was just knackering all of the time. I slept for most of the weekends and basically had no life. When I tried to do anything other than my day job, I got sick. At one point I was chomping 14 tablets a day (and still in pain).

One day I had just had enough and told the head teacher that I was going to end the school year and resign. She arranged for me to have a job out of the classroom and also gave me flexible working hours which meant I could work from home from time to time. This was the first time I had ever asked for help and I realised that my employers liked me and had a legal obligation to make it possible for me to do my job as well as I could. This new role gave me the mental flexibility and confidence to imagine doing something new.

Years later here I am, nurturing my fledgling coaching business, and doing a teaching consultancy job part time. This gives me two days to work on my business and I have a day off on a Wednesday which is my 'relaxation day'. I go to my T'ai Chi class, go shopping, meet a friend for coffee, have a swim, whatever I like to relax on my special day. I take on lots of free lance work now, which gives me the flexibility in both my working hours and in what else I do. Planning is of critical importance because living with an illness means I need to plan in rest days. If I have worked 3 days at a stretch, I have a (planned) day off. If I go out in the evening I plan to start my morning later the next day. One of the hardest things for me is accepting that I need more rest than other people, so I write my days off into my diary weeks in advance. That way I ensure that I have time to be at home. I may well be working, but at least I can take it at my own pace.

My new working arrangements have lots of positives, but obviously there are downsides too. I earn a fraction of what I used to, I don't have the same benefits that I did before, like sick pay and the same level of pensions contributions. What I do have though, far out weighs these factors - the sense of being free and being able to choose to look after my own health and well-being; being creative with my ideas and time; enjoying my work time, business time and leisure time, means I am actually living life much more to the full.

My Ten Top Tips 

1. Work out when your energy is the highest and do things you need to do then. You'll get more done that way.

2. Plan time for rest. This does not necessarily mean bed-rest, although if that's what you need, take it.

3. Learn to listen to your body. Pain and fatigue are indicators. Your body is trying to tell you something. Listen and acknowledge this communication.

4. Find some form of exercise that you enjoy. It does not have to be the gym! Walk in the park or dance in your living room- whatever makes you feel good.

5. Talk to other people who have the same issues or look online for support groups. It makes it much easier when you realise you're not alone.

6. This one is hard: Accept the limitations of your illness. It is an illness, but it does not define you. If you accept it and make peace with it, you will be more able to get over it.

7. Get over it. It's not the worst thing in the world, you are not the only one and there are many others out there suffering more than you. It took me ages to stop feeling sorry for myself, but when I did, I felt much better.

8. Make goals for yourself - e.g. today I will walk further than yesterday. Even a few extra minutes will build your strength and stamina. 

9. Get out and about. Use your leisure time to discover new things- your brain loves stimulation and helps place your attention elsewhere.

10. Get sociable. Hang out with positive fun people and you will feel better about yourself. Laughter is the best medicine.

My cat Puffin brings me great joy

Please drop me a line if you found this blog post useful or you have anything to share on the subject. I always welcome your comments!